I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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