Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
