I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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