The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
