He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
