you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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