The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
