So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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