Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
