i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
