I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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