I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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