life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
