I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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