Sponge bath it is.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
