forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
