I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
