I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
