her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
