I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
being pregnant is like rehab
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
