I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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