Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Houston, we have a blender
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
