No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
