Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
