I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
