This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
