My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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