is your mom at the bar?
I wish my penis had an off switch
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
