She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
