Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
