They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
