Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
