...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
