he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
