I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
