Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
