Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
