Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
