I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
