so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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