yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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