so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he puts the penis in happiness.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Your penis caused this!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
