And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
