Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
