Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
