hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
