We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
