My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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