i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
