i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
