he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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